Gaspin’ Robbins: 31 Flavors of Fright – A special Top 10 List

HEFFALUMPS & WOOZLES – Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day

While most of this list will be live-action, there is no better place to start than with Winnie the Pooh’s nightmarish encounter with the Heffalumps & Woozles. And like the song says, “beware, be a very wary bear,”; all of us should take note, especially because they come in “ones and twozles.” This fright takes us all by nightmarish surprise.

EVILLENE – The Wiz

Though The Wizard of Oz gets all the attention (as it deservedly should), Motown’s production of The Wiz is much darker in its tone and delivery. From the dreary landscapes to the fright-inducing, motorcycle-riding Flying Monkeys, the whole movie is just a bit scarier than its predecessor. With no disrespect to Margaret Hamilton, who has given nightmares to kids of all ages for decades, Mabel King’s Evillene is nastier, uglier, and has a whole lot more attitude. Just don’t bring Evillene “no bad news.”

SILAS BARNABY – March of the Wooden Soldiers

Try as he could to marry Little Bo Peep, Barnaby could never get the girl. Not only did that infuriate him, but when he was duped into marrying Stannie Dum, he went off the deep end. Retreating to the caves beneath Toyland, Barnaby summoned his legion of Bogeymen, intent to destroy anyone in his path. For a black and white film from 1934, Barnaby came across as sinister and scary all in one. But then again, so were the Wooden Soldiers who ran him off – a delight of fright, if you will.

GMORK – The Never Ending Story

He’s mean, he’s got four legs, sharp teeth and he is the servant of The Nothing. While I will admit that The Never Ending Story had a ton of weird things going on, the character of Gmork the wolf was its most terrifying. Even his face-to-face confrontation with Atreju leaves the audience with chills – just by the sound of his voice. My fright at the sight of Gmork is probably why I won’t go near anything with four legs. Ever.

COBRA KAI SKELETONS – The Karate Kid

Daniel LaRusso had his hands full when he moved to Reseda, drawing the ire of Johnny Lawrence and his Cobra Kai buddies. Growing up though, it wasn’t the crane kick that stood out in this movie, it was the vicious assault Daniel gets when he bites off more than he can chew at the Halloween dance. Fright night takes on new meaning as the skeleton-clad Kais punish LaRusso – and this scene would be much higher on the scare-o-meter if Miyagi hadn’t saved Daniel-san. Not to mention, has anyone not thought about donning the outfit for Halloween before? It is bad-ass.

QUEEN BAVMORDA – Willow

This woman needed a hug. Seriously. Queen Bavmorda was every bit as evil as she was cold. Furious about the prophecy that a newborn in her kingdom would grow to put and end to her reign, Bavmorda enlists the less terrifying, but equally brutal General Kael to track down Elora Danan and kill her. Willow was supposed to be a family movie in the tradition of Star Wars, but Bavmorda’s presence alone destroys that image very early on – only to be outdone by transforming her enemies into pigs.

RAZE – Underworld

Underworld might have had the ever-so-hot Kate Beckinsale as a tight-leathered vampire, but the sleeper of this 2003 film is Kevin Grevioux’s turn as Raze – the gigantic lycan with the deepest voice ever. When Raze speaks, he makes Michael Clarke Duncan sound like he belongs somewhere in the Sound of Music. And not only does he strike fear with his vocal cords, Raze is just as likely to rip your head off as say hello. Raze proves himself physically throughout the movie – but his loyalty to Lucian is really what speaks loudest.

SLUGWORTH – Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

I know what you’re thinking – what about the Oompa Loompas? While they were scary in their own right, Slugworth was the creep of the film. Everyone else by comparison was just eccentric. Slugworth might have been Mr. Smith – associate of Willy Wonka and a good guy in the end – but the way he slithered his way toward every child who earned a golden ticket made it seem like he was Herbert the Pervert in a candy store. Irony? Maybe.

R.O.U.S – The Princess Bride

Not only was Westley wrong about their existence, but the Rodents of Unusual Size made one of the craziest movie entrances ever. Combine their size with peoples irrational fears of rats, mice and other rodents & you have the recipe for a severe case of musophobia. Even when Westley destroys one of the R.O.U.S.s, the eerie sound of a dying giant rat brings just as much fright as one that’s alive.

JOAN CRAWFORD – Mommie Dearest

“Cleanliness is next to godliness.” Or so the saying goes. But in the 1981 flick, Mommie Dearest, Faye Dunaway’s portrayal of Joan Crawford isn’t just unhinged fright, it’s bone-chilling because it’s all true. A combination of Monk and Norman Bates, Crawford was paralyzingly spooky – reminding us all to be careful of what we put in our closets.

GARBAGE PAIL KIDS – The Garbage Pail Kids

For a movie that rivals Howard the Duck as one of the worst movies ever made, The Garbage Pail Kids movie sure did scare the living shit out of everyone. The acting was indescribable, (what was Anthony Newley thinking?), the kids themselves were like the modern day Jackass crew miniaturized (sorry Wee Man), and did I mention they tried to make it a musical? But the problem is, it was pure fright to children everywhere – especially Nat Nerd.

CANDYMAN – Candyman

Tony Todd is like the Michael Emerson of horror movies – you don’t think much of the character until he actually speaks. In Candyman, Todd not only showed his psychological prowess as an actor, but he brought the titular character to life. Todd’s Candyman was seductive, scary and succinct. I think at one point I actually believed that Candyman was going to find me in a parking lot and gut me. Notice how I used Candyman’s name four times in this article? Yeah, I’m no dummy…take that Candyman!

TINY – House of 1000 Corpses

Rob Zombie is becoming one of horror’s greatest directors – and his debut film, House of 1000 Corpses was like a hatchet to the head of the genre. But without the performance of the late, great Matthew McGrory as Tiny, the film would not have its soul. With a less is more approach that subtly massages the audience in its interaction with Tiny, Zombie creates a character that is towering, frightening, vulnerable and dangerous. With each movement in the film, you hold your breath wondering what Tiny will do next – and that is what we call suspense (something abundantly forgotten in most horror flicks today).

GOZER THE GOZERIAN – Ghostbusters

With red eyes, a bodysuit, and two lap dogs by her/his side, this “prehistoric bitch” looks like the offspring of Emperor Palpatine and Brigitte Nielsen. But make no mistake about it, Gozer is one of the scariest characters to ever grace a screen. Able to morph into anything he/she chooses, Gozer not only tried to kill Venkman, Egon, Ray and Winston – the Sumerian shapeshifter also gave us another memorable film character – decidedly much more family friendly, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

THE GRAND HIGH WITCH – The Witches

Not only was Anjelica Houston’s turn as the Grand High Witch petrifying to audiences, but in the scene where she removes her wig and her skin to reveal her true appearance you could see kids crying in the theaters. I remember watching this movie and wishing that someone would just kill her. It was a movie that even though she is defeated in the end, the Grand High Witch stays with you for years after.

WINTER WARLOCK – Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town

You read it correctly. I put the Winter Warlock on this list. Why? If anyone reading this was not terrified of Winter as a child then there is something wrong with you. When he first appeared to Santa Claus, he was beyond menacing, showing off his razor-sharp teeth and relishing in his dark demeanor. I couldn’t get past that first impression of him for many years – not even when he was putting, “One foot in front of the other” – I was usually practicing running the other way.

DAVID LO PAN – Big Trouble in Little China

Lo Pan is an interesting character on many levels. He is older than most vampires, smarter than his enemies and supernatural to no end. In Big Trouble in Little China, Lo Pan strutted his stuff alongside the three storms to terrorize Jack Burton and company. With glowing light coming out of his mouth and eyes to blind his adversaries, it seemed only fitting that his downfall was due to his own egotistical ways, rather than by classic “bad guy meets death” standards.

THE FIREYS – Labyrinth

Almost any character from this cult classic could be considered scary. From goblins to Hoggle and from Ludo to David Bowie’s Goblin King, Labyrinth was a modern day Alice in Wonderland. But the Fireys stood heads above the rest. They corner Sarah and force her to listen to their insanity driven, “Chilly Down,” while they give lessons on taking off peoples heads and throwing them like basketballs.

DAVID – The Lost Boys

In The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland’s portrayal of David is the standard bearer of what “new-age” vamps should aim to be. He was cold, controlling, calculated, conniving and creative. No scene more depicts this that when he makes Michael eat maggots (rice) and worms (noodles) – culminating with his tricking Michael into drinking his blood. He wasn’t emo. He didn’t shine like diamonds in the daylight. He was a killer. And we are all a little more frightened because of him.

MICHAEL BERRYMAN – The Hills Have Eyes

I don’t even have to get into how absolutely traumatic the original Hills Have Eyes was. I will only say that no matter what movie he has appeared in, Michael Berryman automatically instills fear wherever he is seen. Call me crazy, but some people just have the “it” factor when it comes to horror, and Berryman has always been a natural. If it wasn’t for his comedic turn in Weird Science, I would probably still believe if stranded in the desert, he would come kill me.

THE MONSTERS – The Monster Squad

While the best part of The Monster Squad is the friemdship between Ashley Bank’s Phoebe and the ever-misunderstood Frankenstein, Dracula and crew were a mesmerizing bunch of monsters. Not taking any chances in gaining possession of the amulet to control the world, Dracula uses all of his power to kill the kids and reign supreme. Duncan Regehr’s performance as Dracula is absolutely brilliant – as is his interaction with the previously mentioned Phoebe. And of course if you didn’t know, this movie made it clear – “Wolfman’s got nards!”

THE CRYPT KEEPER – Tales From the Crypt

He’s a raving lunatic, he has the craziest laugh ever known to my ears, and he’s always got something quick-witted to say. But the Crypt Keeper was frightening despite his best efforts not to be. Puppets should not be allowed to be made this decrepit. Week after week I would sneak downstairs to watch HBO and get a glimpse of this show, and every week the Keeper would scare the life out of me. Now though, he’s just plain funny.

VERA WEBSTER – Superman III

I will always have a love-hate relationship with Superman III. Anything with Christopher Reeve as the Man of Steel is better than anything without him. But Superman III will always be the scariest superhero film created. It introduced the world to the mega-computer which subsequently sucked Vera Webster into its mainframe and turned her into a walking nightmare. I still send this video to my brother just to get the phone call when he can’t sleep.

THE LORD OF DARKNESS – Legend

Legend was one of those movies you either understood or you didn’t. But something anyone who has ever seen the Ridley Scott cult classic can tell you is that the Lord of Darkness was bar none the best representation of the demonic one ever. He was evil incarnate in his quest to never have light shine again, killing unicorns and seducing Mia Sara as he went up against an even scarier figure – Tom Cruise.

KLOWNS – Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Killer Klowns From Outer Space is considered one of the funnier horror movies of our time. I tend to disagree, only because these Klowns did some crazy things that none of us saw coming. Cotton candy cocoons, flesh-melting pies, bloodhound balloons, and killer shadow puppets. Add in the harvesting of the dead and the ventriloquist murder of the local police captain and you had yourself a three-ring circus – exactly how the Klowns wanted things.

ERIK, THE PHANTOM – The Phantom of the Opera

You’ve undoubtedly heard of The Phantom of the Opera in some sense – whether it is the stage version or a movie adaptation (one exists with Robert Englund of Freddy fame). Few true horror fans can deny that the original 1925 Phantom, done in the silent era, is the truest and most terrifying. The unmasking scene is one of the iconic moments in film history, but gets largely lost in the shadow of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical. Chaney was so frightening that his Phantom had people screaming and fainting when he was finally unmasked, a testament to both the film and the actor.

REVEREND HENRY KANE – Poltergeist II

Few actors have the wherewith-all to deliver such sadistic performances. Julian Beck was one of them. The late and often underrated Beck filmed his role as Henry Kane while battling stomach cancer in 1985 – and still managed to deliver one of the most unnerving characters in big screen history. Kane was magnetically cruel and hair-raising as he attempted to get to Carol Anne – but it was his presence on screen, especially when singing in the rain that puts him on this list.

THE JABBERWOCKY – Alice Through the Looking Glass (1985)

Imagine you are a six-year-old again. And then picture watching a live version of Alice in Wonderland on TV. You see Alice get home and sit down to read a poem about the Jabberwocky. Then, your entire childhood comes crashing down when a gigantic creature known only as “Jabberwock” appears. Not only does the creature have red eyes, it comes complete with a set of wings. I don’t care what name it goes by – whether its Jabberwock or Jabberwocky, it is one of the most discomforting and petrifying characters in history – fright personified, kinda.

THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN – The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

Not only is this the second Disney character on this list, but this is the one Disney character that makes all other villains look like wimps. Poor Ichabod Crane just wanted to marry Katrina Van Tassel for her money. Brom Bones was having none of it, as he was bethrothed to Katrina. Playing on the superstitions of Ichabod, Brom sings the tale of the Headless Horseman – and off Ichabod goes into the Halloween night. After a few close calls, Ichabod thinks he is home free – until the Headless Horseman arrives. The fright at the sight of the Horseman struck terror into all of us, only to be outdone when a flaming Jack-O-Lantern comes our way. Disney never reveals what really happened to Ichabod – but we can guess.

PENNYWISE THE DANCING CLOWN – IT

Tim Curry is a horror film directors dream (twice in the Top 10 here) – he just happens to be everybody else’s nightmare. Nothing says that more than his turn as Pennywise the Dancing Clown in the made-for-TV adaptation of Stephen King’s IT. Preying on the children of Derry, Pennywise makes each of his would-be-victims face their darkest fears. An unstoppable force of evil, even when you think he’s dead, Pennywise comes back with an even stronger taste for blood. His taunting of the children as he stalks them makes him even more spine-tingling, as he challenges any of us to try and take him down. He reminds us though, “they all float down here.”

BOB – Twin Peaks

Killer Bob from Twin Peaks is often regarded as the epitome of fright and terror in television history, with his chilling presence haunting viewers for decades. Portrayed by Frank Silva, whose eerie connection to the character is underscored by his own birth on Halloween, Killer Bob’s manifestation as a malevolent spirit embodies primal fears. Silva’s unsettling performance, coupled with David Lynch’s masterful direction, crafts a character whose mere presence instills a sense of dread. Bob’s unpredictability, characterized by his sinister grin and haunting whispers, transcends the screen, leaving an indelible mark on audiences and cementing his status as the quintessential embodiment of fear in the realm of television.